Assalamualaikum.

Saje je, nak cakap,

awak hebat!

Saje je, nak cakap,

awak cantik!

Saje je, nak cakap,

awak sangat pandai!

Saje je, nak cakap,

Awak boleh buat!

Saje je, nak cakap,

awak di hati saya!

Saje je, nak cakap,

awak hero saya!

Saje je, nak cakap,

Awak ni idola saya!

Saje je, nak cakap,

Awak yang terbaik dalam hidup saya!

Saje je, nak cakap,

Saya akan selalu ada di samping awak!

Kalau awak rase down, ingat lah balik apa yang saya saje2 cakap ni.

Tengok cermin.

Sape tu?

Ya Allah.

Hebatnya Kau, telah mencipta sekalian alam.

Jadikanlah hambaMu ini hamba yang mengabdikan seluruh hidupku untukMu

Amin.

Smile. Never let yourself down. Rise up high. You're great.

Peace.

Assalamualaikum.

So, the 'cuak' thing has gone. I've took my results. It turns out well, I guess. Alhamdulillah. Result is result. We can never change that, right? So, I just manage to get 6. 6 is okay for me, Alhamdulillah. Its a lot, to compare with my trials. you know, I got F on trial, and for spm, alhamdulillah, the worst just B. I think I had enough. I broke my own records. I never get a B for my science subject. I always fail my addmath and I got an A for that. Alhamdulillah. It is seriously the best results ever for this two years.

Thank you so much to those who have been supporting me all these while. My parents, my siblings, my teachers, my precious friends, my mentor, my dormmates, my everyone. I have gone through a lot in this two years, and what I've got is clearly out of my own boundaries. Congratulations for my friends, they did a good job. Some of them get straight A's, like Wanie. I knew it already. She is amazing, seriously. She's also one of my mentor back at the days. Thanks Wanie. Thanks, everyone. I never could be at this level if its not because of you.

6As, a lot to me. But its not enough. Still. The results day, I suppose to just wait for the text at home, since my mother had something scheduled on that day. Suppose. But the schedule changed and she had to go to KL for a meeting. The meeting was on the next day, but alang2, she said that she will go there, with me along. So, we went to Melaka in the morning, arrive on noon, took my results and go to KL from Melaka. I felt like unnecessary at first. But, she is the big boss indeed. So, its better to just follow the order or you will hear something like "you're fired!" on your face. so I went there. But since I arrived on noon, my classmates mostly had gone to Mydin, home etc. I got to meet some friends. I met Wanie. Seriously, she was soooooo beautiful. I do admire her since before. everybody who I met has changed. They are more beautiful, more matured. I felt strange. I felt like I'm the one who hasn't changed. I met Cikgu Zul, Cikgu Nani. People changed, memories don't. Then, I went straight to KL. There, I had face a true challenges. I bet my mother must be so frustrated in me. She expected me to get straight As. I just like, ohhh... I don't know what to say to her. I got two B+. She said, "sayangnya. kalau tak, at least blh 8" I was like, I don't know mother. sorry. sorry, I can't be a good daughter to you. It get worst. my mother's friends' child, (anak kawan mak ajee), semua dapat flying colours. bila tanya, diorang like, straight, 9, straight A, 11. and when they ask, my mother would say "6" and they say " ohhh" and the conversation stopped right there. I felt bad, but my mom surely felt worst. I know from her face. she might not say anything, but it shown from her face.

So, back from KL, I was like, 

"so nak ambik apa ni?"

"amik la apa yang awk minat. awk minat ap?"

"akak minat medic"

"medic? awk x blh amik medic. tak payah.."

"kenapa?"

"awk tu dapat berapa je? org yg dpt straight pun blum tentu dpt medic."

"so?"

"awk tu sesuai pengurusan je. something like that."

"hah? tak minat."

"habis tu, awk minat apa lagi?" 

"x tahu"

"dah tu, mak pun x tahu lah."

and the conversation stopped. I was like, it doesn't make sense. I felt more and more pening.

apart from medic, I also interested in dentistry, pharmacy. but it was just the same. you need at least 9a for that. I was like crazy, thinking about this. My father the worst. he kept repeating,

"masuk matrik lah, senang."

"memanglah. habis tu, yg upu tu nak isi apa? kate suruh isi semua."

"isi matriks je"

"habis tu upu x yah isi?"

"isi lah. isi matriks."

"MATRIKS MMG DH ISI."

"ye lah. isi je. nanti ayah suruh kawan ayah yang duk matriks tu tolong."

Ya Allah. He just making my mind gone worst. I might be admitted to Hospital Tanjong Rambutan. my brother then argued with my father. 

"just go to the jom masuk u karnival. you'll know." brother

"no need. just ask kak an, kak da, kak ti. (my cousins) they're professionals"

"just the same. they'll say to go to matriks"

"no, they will know how. they have gone through this. they are truly smart people."

"that's just make kakak crazy to think of so many opinions."

"yeah, i've told all of you, go and just ask for their opinions. but nobody would take that. well, i'm not a smart people. everyone won't take my opinios, for i didn't go to school in the past."

I truly hate that ungkit-mengungkit part. seriously hate that. so i just shut my mouth closed and pretending not to hear. and they just stopped like that.

I AM INSANE AT THIS POINT.

I asked The Almighty. He's the one to turn to when you're in trouble. He's the one. Allahu. Allahu Akbar.

So, I've made my final decision. at last. I told my mother, I'd choose law. law is one of my option since before. so, i think law is the best for me. for backups, i choose english teacher. based on my kelayakan pun, law is the one. medic, never lepas. only if miracle happened and i was chosen for any scholarships. Alhamdulillah, there's this alumni, exsel, Abang Syamim. he's one of law students in UIA. I pm him to ask about law. He helped me a lot. thanks to him, I become more and more terbuka to law.

You know, its been my ambition since i was a kid, to be a doctor. even when i done the surgery on the katak during form 5, i put my whole passion towards that. I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR. SERIOUSLY. tapi, kalau Allah dah tetapkan utk Ajee jadi lawyer, Ajee yakin itu yg terbaik. Kita merancang, dan Allah juga merancang. sesungguhnya, Allah itu sebaik-baik perancang. Wanie will go for dentistry. go wanie! I hope you could achieve your dreams. 

So long. p/s: this entry is not berkait dgn apa2 pun. just luahan hati yg penuh dgn liku2 dan cabaran. cheh. hehe.

Assalamualaikum.

So, today is 2nd March. Tomorrow is 3rd March. Lagi 13 jam je lagi kut, entah, x pandai kira sangat. Yang pasti kurang 24 jam. Cuak wei!!! Cuak giler. semua family aku dari minggu lepas lagi, tanya aku, minggu depan kan? lusa kan? esok kan? tak nervous? kau gier tak nervous!!! nak pecah dah dada ni. aku macam dah nak register hospital tanjung rambutan dah ni.

serious, tak risau pun result tak gempak. bagi diri aku sendiri, aku tak kisah. aku dah buat yang terbaik. walau apa pun yang berlaku esok, aku redha. tawakal. yang aku takut sangat, aku mungkin banggakan parents, ataupun hampakan diorang. sangat takut. okay, bayangkan, ajee kan sekolah kat melaka. sekarang ni, dah pindah Terengganu. nak pegi sane, sorang2, memang tak lah kan. cuba bayangkan, semua, satu family pegi melaka, jauh2, then bila amik tu, result macam ...... boleh bayangkan tak??? betapa sedihnya. harap sangat tak macam tu, cuma perkara tu mesti ada dalam kepala otak ni. paranoid. sangat. sangat. tak sanggup nak tengok muka hampa semua org. Ya Allah, berikanlah aku ketenangan. apa2 pun, redha. 

wish me luck.

A derp who likes food. Major K-pop fan. Still a student though. I am addicted to strawberries, shoes, handsome guys and myself. I like taking photos every fucking time. But I never share it LOL. Favorite color is red, black, grey, every colors on earth. Books are my best friends. The only time they betrayed me was when I thought an author was female then it turns out to be, aloha, male. Enclosed spaces are cozy; I'm weird like that. I dreamed to do everything on my bucket list before I die. I believe in the power of God, anything could happen anytime. Enjoy your life, you only live once. I love Kpop, don't ask why. Not an extrovert, not an introvert either. Be nice to me, I'll be nice to you. I LOVE BOBBY DON'T TOUCH HIM. Well that's all.
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